Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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