So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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