In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
