Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
