Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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