Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just found puke in my bra..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Alive.
So much puke
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
