I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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