Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
