i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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