Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
