the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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