Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
