You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize