the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
