based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize