My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
