I wanna passion pit in your ass
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Couch. On fire.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
