I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize