then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
