is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
