So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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