We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
