Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
