I think I died a long time ago.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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