You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
