the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
