3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
