Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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