I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
