Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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