So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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