My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
