my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So much rum. So many feels.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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