Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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