Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
