i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The struggles of a small town man whore
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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