I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
