they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
