btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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