Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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