I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
