That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize