Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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