Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
