My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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