It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
