this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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