Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Two words: blizzard sex
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
