My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
