watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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