Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
