you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
