arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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