after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
