I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
