White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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