Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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