I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
