he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
