the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
