is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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