literally had 100 drinks last night.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
