the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
