See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize