It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
