i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
