Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
