Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
