So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
