Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
