I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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