Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize