you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
