so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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