he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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