You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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