4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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