I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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