carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
