and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
