dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
