next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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