The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
