Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yo dont text me then not text me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
