we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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