we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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