You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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