Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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