I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just had sex bonerless
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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