Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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