I hate your face
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
