I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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