and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
