Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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