I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize