Duck Duck Cougar?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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