when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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