would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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